Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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