i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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