How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
