It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
