I cockslap morals
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
