You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
