its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
now i know why i became what i already was.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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