I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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