Farmville is her only friend.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize