i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
