Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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