Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
can u get pink eye on your cock?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
