the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
