I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
