I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
