Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
dude i'm inner monologue high
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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