It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
that is very illegal...i love you.
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