The brown eye won't let me do that either.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
