Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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