How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
50% drunk capacity currently
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
