Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Ambien. No doubt about it.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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