These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
should my penis look like a turkey
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Randomize
