I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
