This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
