just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
