Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
