Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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