I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
