I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Randomize
