I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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