wat bout pragnant strippers??
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
