'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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