YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I want her autograph on my taint
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
