can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
