I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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