the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
