I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
