bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
The best revenge is premature balding
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
