are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
