i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
