i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
