Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
She bit a glass in half.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
