Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
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