just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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