nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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