I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
