If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
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