What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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