Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Randomize
