I think i sorta joined a cult last night
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Randomize
