I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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