Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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