you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
