Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
