Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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