look no pants
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize