Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
