oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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