just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize