Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
