ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
this hospital has no fireball
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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