whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
