CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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