also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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