Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
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