cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
